BE CRAZY FOR SOMETHING

GOAL AND DYNAMICS OF INTERPERSONAL-RELATIONSHIPS

[This article is based on Gabriel Marcel’s (1889-1973) theory of Intersubjectivity; a French Existentialist Philosopher.]

Interpersonal-Relationships may seem a futile issue not worth a serious philosophical consideration. However, the fact is we spend most part of our waking day in constant relationships. Even before considering Interpersonal-Relationships analysis of the human Person is pivotal; so that one gets a clear idea of who a human being really is.

The Human Person:

It is not an uncommon phenomenon that the dignity and respect that every human Person deserves by virtue of being human is often bracketed or compromised in more ways than one. There are certain groups of people who have a misguided/perverse perception that some people or races are superior to others; consequently, justified in taking advantage of them.  The predicament with such people is, they (knowingly/unknowingly) question the concept of the universality of the sacredness of the human Person; influenced by their own dwarfed philosophies of life. However, such views of ignorant few do not change the universality of the sacredness of the human Person; the fact is, each person is sacred and deserves respect. There are some who question the source of this sacredness. A simple analogy on the phenomenon of ‘life’ will perhaps help clarify this issue: ‘Life’ comes as a gift to an individual. Gift is something every person treasure, gifts are cared with utmost love. Life too, being one of the greatest gifts gifted to the person; is something very precious and of great value. This fact of great ‘value-laden-ness’ of life is true for each individual. Thus, each life is valuable.

Interpersonal Relationships:

Most people agree that it is extremely difficult to be alone. In fact, more than sickness and pain, loneliness is one of the most agonizing experiences in life. No doubt humans are social animals and are oriented towards meaningful relationships.

A true and genuine Interpersonal-Relationship refers to a relationship wherein the partners in relationship are able to recognize and relate to each other as ‘Persons.’ (A person is someone who has intrinsic eternal value or someone endowed with spiritual qualities and consequently, sacred; someone, who should be treated with respect, love and reverence.) Interpersonal relationship is the vocation of every human person; it is in it that the Person realizes one’s identity and self-worth.

One can establish oneself as ‘Person’ only through the ‘other’ in the experience of meaningful ‘Interpersonal Relationship.’ The bond which aids interpersonal relationship is the bond of love (agape). The experience of Interpersonal Relationship helps one to authentically understand oneself. It is a great struggle to remain at the level of authentic Interpersonal Relationship because often we are assailed by egoism and self-dependency. However, to be lost in egoism is to be lost in “oneself”/ a false self; to be lost due to the ignorance of one’s real needs.

The process of Interpersonal-Relationship entails certain basic elements like Presence, Availability, Participation and Reciprocity. Presence is essentially the ability to recognize the other as ‘Person.’  Presence demands availability; availability is a free offering of oneself for the acceptance by the other. It is a free act, it cannot be demanded. Participation happens when the ‘Persons’ make themselves available to each other. Participation is accomplished through an exercise of freedom which continually acknowledges one’s presence in the presence of the other. Ideally, a relationship of availability must include an element of reciprocity; Interpersonal Relationship is impossible without reciprocity.

Interpersonal relationships can be very concretely felt in the experiences of Fidelity, Faith, Love and Hope. Fidelity aspires towards unconditionality; fidelity is always directed to a ‘Person’ and it is always a response to a ‘Person;’ it is the response to an appeal which recognizes in the other Person something of lasting value. In pledging faithfulness to another Person we recognize the sacredness and value of the other; recognizing him/her as ‘Thou’ and not as an ‘it,’ as ‘Presence,’ and not as an ‘object.’ Fidelity is impossible without faith in the other, for faith is the highest expression of fidelity. Faith is an unceasing attention, an active recognition of something permanent/eternal in the other. Faith issues forth from the whole being of the Person and involves him/her in something which transcends him/her. To believe in something or someone is to place oneself at the disposal of that something or someone.

Analyzing the experience of love, one realizes that it is nothing but an affirmation of the value of the other. True love is full of unconditionality. To say ‘I love you’ is to affirm the other as someone of great value and this affirmation bridges the vast abyss that death places before us. Love cannot be separated from faith, in fact, it is faith. Connected to love is the element of hope. It is hope which gives meaningfulness to a Person’s existence. Hope is the final guarantor of fidelity which keeps one away from despair and gives one the strength to continue to be available to the other. Without hope there can be no meaningful life whatsoever. Hope is essential for life as breath is to the living organism.

While it is true that Interpersonal-Relationship is the vocation of every Person. One of the greatest challenges of today towards realizing our vocation to be good humans by means of meaningful relationships is the tendency of the technocratic society; the utilitarian  mentality that propagates functionalism or objectification of the humans. In such a milieu, humans are nothing but functionaries who are capable of certain output; and the self-worth measured in terms of those outputs. At this point it is worth a mention why there are certain people in the society who believe euthanasia is justifiable. The problem here is that such people calculate the Person’s worth in terms of ‘output-capability.’ However, the fact is, humans can’t be measured in terms of output. Human dignity and right go beyond calculations. Remember, we were not born by virtue of our own merit and we have no right whatsoever to decide our termination on the criterion of merit or output-capability.

The effects of scientific developments, and with it, the menace of utilitarianism, functionalism and objectification continues to haunt us. One of the vivid effects of this is seen in the numerous divorces and broken relationships. It is quite obvious that most often relationships break and divorces happen when partners are not able to interact with each other with respect and love, recognizing the ‘other’ as Person with dignity and as possessing eternal intrinsic value.

The objectification of the human Person distant though it may seem to some of us; is rampant in our societies today. We hear of numerous instances of child prostitution, rape, pornography, child labour, domestic violence and caste/class discrimination, violence and war in the name of community or religion. In all these cases what we see is that the human Person is totally objectified and commoditized. The culture of functionalism and objectification has crept into our societies and the social practices very powerfully. One such example is the indecent and suggestive language that is used by some mean men/youth when referring to women.  Obviously, what we see in the use of such language is, how objectification of the other (in the above mentioned example, women) has become seemingly “integral” to our living. What is even more worrisome today is the ‘objectified world’ becoming the status symbol. For instance, we are familiar with the ‘Item Girl’/‘Item Song’ phenomenon in the Bollywood. We are also familiar with the “most desirable man/woman” phenomenon. These are some of the practices that are considered normal or in some cases even glorified today.

Functionalism has also entered our personal dealings and our way of life. Often we find ourselves taken up by the position a person holds in public office. Our introduction of a person to others is never complete till we have publicized his/her position in the society; be it Director, Manager, the Principal or a C.E.O. Often our way of relating to the ‘other’ is shaped by the public office the ‘other’ holds. To be carried away by the positions and power one holds do make our dealings functional or utilitarian.

We also see shades of functionalism entering into marriage and family life. It is quite common that good-looking men/women or elite class like Doctors, Engineers or successful Businessmen are sought after to be one’s life partner. The looks or occupations, in other words, the function has taken precedence over the Person today. In a parent-child relationship, sometimes some parents shower gifts and rewards on their children only as long as the child performs well in school. Often parents forcefully send children for tuition classes so that they may “perform” well academically. Among youth, some of them feel ashamed to introduce their parents to their friends just because their parents do not hold high social status. Thus, we see how functionalism has affected our way of relating.

Functionalism poses a great threat to interpersonal relationships. Functionalism and objectification may bring about some wearied sense of pride but it actually self-alienates the person from oneself; from one’s true self. Human Persons are ontologically relational and this fact needs no proof look at the rapid growth of communication industries. If it were not true that relationship is one of the most important aspects of life for humans the mobile phone industries would have gone on a heavy loss years back. But the fact is the contrary, it goes on flourishing and it will continue to flourish in the future too.

            Interpersonal-Relationships will continue flourishing and adding meaning to our years as long as the sacredness of the Other is not blurred by selfishness and ignorance.

BEGIN TO RELATE GENUINELY NOW, AND ADD MEANING TO YOUR YEARS…

HAPPY RELATIONSHIP!!!